Does my jerk ex-boyfriend deserve another chance?

It’s very tempting to get back together with your ex. You may have had your bad moments, but there were good times as well. And there was that awesome sex.

Have you read this book How to Get Your Lover Back

Before you rekindle your love for your ex, you should think about your motives for wanting to get back together. Do you want to resume dating him because you feel lonely or because it’s too hard to get over him? Does he deserve a second chance? If you want to date him again because you’re having a hard time getting over him, then it’s probably for the wrong reasons. If you really think that he’s the one, the love of your life, and deserves another chance well…. Read on.

If getting back together is starting to sound like a good idea, you need to think about why you broke up in the first place and if those issues can be resolved. This involves some discussion with your ex. If your relationship is on a constant on-off status, it’s time to end that rollercoaster for good either by calling it quits and ending the relationship permanently or by finding a better solution than the last one and sticking to it.

If your ex was abusive, had a crippling addiction, or acted violently towards you, you should stay away unless he went through some extensive rehab. Abuse and addiction often involve vicious cyclical patterns of behavior that are extremely difficult to break.

If your issues weren’t so extreme, you both need to think about what needs to change to make it work this time. And are you willing to change and/or give him another chance to change? You may want to take things slowly to see if you’re both committed enough to repair the relationship and resume dating. If the commitment is not there and the change isn’t happening, then it’s time to break up for good. 

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Indicators that you’re dating a player

You’ve found the man of your dreams. He’s perfect in every way – handsome, charming, smart, makes you feel special… In fact, you’re wondering if he’s the one. Maybe he is the love of your life. Maybe he’s actually a cold hearted, commitment-phobic player. How can you tell?

Here are five indicators you should watch out for:

He’s too mysterious. A little bit of mystery is sexy, but too much is a bad thing. Of course, you don’t want to spill every intimate detail about yourself when you’re first dating. But you realize you don’t actually know anything about him. He is hesitant and gives very vague answers to your questions.  You’ve never been invited to his apartment. He keeps you away from his friends. This usually spells trouble as hiding things from you is never a good sign.

He’s only available on certain days. He may be a busy guy, but if he can only meet on certain days, chances are he’s not really into you. If you truly like spending time with someone, you’ll try to make time to meet with that person anytime, not just on Thursday nights.

He’s flaky. He always cancels dates at the last minute. That’s if he remembers to call you at all before a no-show. If he does show, he’s always late. He promised to call you at eight but never did. If that sounds like your date, run now. Of course, there are always legitimate excuses for tardiness and date cancellations. But if he’s just too flaky, you should move on. You deserve to be with someone who respects your time.

His phone is out of control and it’s not work or his friends. If he’s always texting when you’re together, ignoring all of his phone calls from “those crazy stalkers,” or his phone is always on silent mode, chances are he’s playing the field.

Trust your gut. If things just don’t seem right or you feel that your date is being shady, your instincts are probably right. If you’re getting the vibe that your date doesn’t want the committed relationship you want, it’s best to move on. The sooner you move on, the sooner you’ll find someone who will love and respect you.

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Is a long distance relationship a good idea?

Your boyfriend has some exciting news. He got accepted to grad school… half a world away. You can’t move with him. You love each other. Should you give long distance dating a try? It’s no secret that long distance relationships are hard. Decisions must be made regarding the possibility of dating long distance.

First, you have to realize that not only will you be unable to see your love in person on a regular basis, but that different time zones may make it difficult for you to connect, especially if he’s halfway across the globe. Luckily, should you choose to commit to being long distance, technology has made it easier to communicate with video chatting, texting apps that can be used no matter that your locations, and so on.

Another consideration is trust. Is your partner a flirtatious player type even when you’re around? Has he cheated on you before? Do you trust him? Does he trust you? Trust is a difficult enough issue when you’re close. Being long distance will only exacerbate any trust issues you may have.  A lack of trust is always a red flag in a relationship so it may be time to reconsider your relationship.

Would you consider an open relationship? Is dating other people while you’re separated off limits? You know how it goes. You’re feeling lonely. You meet someone awesome. You drink more tequila than you should at that party. And you just cheated on your partner. Would you and your partner be willing to overlook any small infidelities while separated to make it easier?

You also need to think about the future. Is the long distance relationship temporary? Or is one of you moving permanently? It’s hard to commit time and energy into a long distance relationship if there isn’t a definitive end to the waiting period or if you don’t see the relationship going anywhere.

It’s never easy to be far away from your loved one. But if you have a strong relationship already and you’re willing to make it work, then you should give it a try. If your relationship has existing issues, you need to sort out these issues before you go long distance or rethink your relationship. Good luck.

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Is it a good idea to date my coworker?

Pursuing a love interest at work is a very tempting idea. It is especially alluring for those who spend a good portion of the day working long hours at the office, with little free time for socializing outside of work. In fact, 40 percent of people (according to a Careerbuilder survey) have dated a coworker. But is it a good idea?

First, you may want to consider the consequences of dating your office crush. Some workplaces may have a strict “no fraternizing” policy. If you are crushing on your boss (or vice versa, someone you are supervising), you may have to deal with grumbles about favoritism from your coworkers. You will also have to consider your chances of a promotion if things don’t work out.

Keep in mind the size of your office. Will you be dating someone in a small company made up of 10 people or someone who works on a different floor in a 300-person company? And lastly, and perhaps most importantly, is your love interest single?

Next, you may want to gauge whether your crush is interested in you in the same way. Do you spend a lot of time talking to this person on non-work related matters? Does your coworker seem to find reasons to come over and talk to you? Is there flirting involved? If all lights are green and the pros outweigh the cons, then go ahead and ask your coworker out on a date. There’s an interesting movie about dating in the workplace, I wonder if you’ve watched any of those that’s on this list?

If you are rejected, accept the rejection, apologize for any misunderstandings, and move on. If your coworker said yes, celebrate! But you aren’t quite in the clear yet.

As with the start of any relationship, you don’t really know where this is headed yet so it is best to keep your love affair under wraps at first. If this turns out to be a one week fling, there is no need to bring it up to the rest of your coworkers. However, if the two of you are committed to turning this into a long-term relationship, don’t wait too long before you break the happy news to the rest of the office. You may want to consider telling your boss first before anyone else.

Dating an office mate has its potential hazards, but if you approach with caution, it can lead to a fulfilling and committed relationship with the love of your life.

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How would I know if my boyfriend is cheating on me?

You can’t quite put your finger on it, but there’s something different about your boyfriend. He smells different, he’s updating his wardrobe, and his behavior is different. Whether you’ve only been dating for a short time or have been committed to a serious relationship for a long time, you suspect that he’s cheating on you. Here are some signs that may indicate that he has a new lady love:

He’s more distant and “needs his space.” Your partner seems to talk to you less and doesn’t want to spend as time with you as he did before. He also seems disinterested in your life or any concerns you may have. He’s less committed to spending time with you. As I just remember, there’s an article about this at one of my favorite blogs http://TheFeminineWoman.com. He’s not as emotionally supportive. You feel as though there is an empty space between you two all of a sudden. All of these signs may point towards the fact that there may be someone else that he’s more emotionally vested in.

He’s being secretive. All of a sudden, he’s set a password for his cell phone when he hasn’t before. He used to talk on phone and send texts when you were in the same room. Now, he leaves the room to take phone calls or ignores them. He seems to be texting more than usual. Sometimes he’s smiling when he’s reading these texts. Before, he may have left his phone laying around anywhere. Now, it’s with him all the time and you don’t even know where he charges his phone at night. You also notice he has a new secret email account and maybe even a new Facebook account he doesn’t want you to know about.

He has mood swings. His behavior oscillates from being moody and argumentative. He accuses you of cheating on him when there is no evidence to support this. Other times, he’ll be an absolute angel. He’ll bring you flowers and chocolate, send you love texts, do all your chores for you, and acts extra nice. All of these behaviors may just be masking his guilt.

These behaviors aren’t necessarily bulletproof evidence that he’s dating someone else. However, any of these behaviors is a warning sign, and all are red flags you need to address. If you feel that there is something up with your partner, you need to have a talk. You should never make unfounded accusations, but you should bring up your concerns. If your talk doesn’t iron out these issues completely and you still feel a bit uneasy, then it may be time for some difficult decisions on your part.

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My boyfriend watches porn and I can’t help but worry

A lot of guys watch porn. In fact, it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that most guys watch porn. And it’s not you. Your boyfriend doesn’t watch porn because you’re not pretty, not good enough in bed, because he doesn’t love you anymore, or because he wants to hurt you. And no, he doesn’t secretly wish he was dating Honey SugarTits.

Men are visual creatures and it is normal for them to want to watch porn for some quick sexual release. Many men who are in sexually satisfying, committed relationships with the girl of their dreams still watch adult videos, and it’s OK. If your sex life isn’t being affected by your partner’s porn consumption, you shouldn’t worry about it.

The last thing you want to do is ban your partner from watching any porn at all. There are always ways around it. He could still watch when you’re not home and then delete the evidence from the computer, smartphone, or other electronic devices. It will just cause strain and mistrust in your relationship. And think it about it this way, it’s better that he’s getting off looking at an anonymous stranger, than say, fulfilling his urges by cheating on you with an actual girl.

If you’re still a bit uneasy about his porn watching, perhaps next time, you can ask if you can join in on the party. Who knows, it could turn out to be an interesting night? Or maybe all of this porn makes you feel a bit insecure. Tell your boyfriend you need reassurances that you’re beautiful, sexy, and that he loves you, not the girl in the porn.

If you suspect that your partner has an unhealthy porn addiction, that’s a different story. If he would rather be dating his hand and his porn instead of a real girl, then it’s not worth committing your time and energy to someone who doesn’t value you. If his watching porn really bothers you, say on a moral or ethical level, or you just can’t handle it, then you should move on. It may be too much to ask to find a guy who doesn’t watch any porn, but everyone has their deal breakers.

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Places that are bad ideas for your first date

We’re always trying to put a new spin on the old dinner and movie first date script. We want to show our potential dating partners that we’re creative, interesting, and dynamic individuals. However, creativity can only go so far. Here are some places to avoid going for your first date with a new love interest:

Dinner with your parents/family. First of all, it’s overwhelming enough to go on a first date with someone. It’s even worse to meet your date’s parents or other family members. Plus, this is not the time or place to introduce a new potential love to your family. Wait until there’s more commitment in your relationship before you bring him/her to mom and dad. And besides, where is the romance?

Skating rink. Ice skating or roller skating together sounds like a cute idea. I mean, you see it in movies all the time. Unless you’re both professional skaters, the chances of someone (or both of you) falling down are pretty high and quite embarrassing on your first date. Skating only increases your chances of having an awkward first date. Save the holding hands and skating for a future date.

Dance club. Going to a club sounds like a sexy idea. But think about it this way. You’re at a loud club. There will be a lot of groping and attempts at flirting from people around you, as is the norm when clubbing. Cue your angry date trying to fend off predators. Dating is also about getting to know each other, which is a bit difficult to do when you can’t hear each other over the loud music. You will, however, get a good sense of your date’s dancing abilities. Here’s a funny

A bar. Tacky. Just plain tacky and screams booty call. The message you’re communicating is that the extent of your commitment to this relationship is only until the next morning. Or that you’re too lazy to try to be interesting and you’re just trying to get inebriated (or get the other person drunk) in order to sound interesting. It doesn’t matter if the bar is a speakeasy. Just no.

Coffee Shop. First, it’s not very romantic. The location does facilitate getting to know each other, but other than that, it really isn’t the right location for a first date. Save the coffee shop for your friends or when you need to get away from your roommates.

And make sure you watch your surrounding to avoid any more embarrassment, just like this lady in this commercial.

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Why you’re always with Mr. Wrong and what hinders you finding Mr. Right

You always feel that you’re with Mr. Wrong. You always hear about “great guys,” but you’re almost convinced they’re a myth. You’ve dated so many jerks, you’re considering swearing off love and dating forever. Here are some behavior patterns that explain why you’re in a “Mr. Wrong rut”:

You’re afraid of being alone.  A lot of women settle for Mr. Wrong because he’s the first guy to ask them out after a breakup. It’s easy to say yes when you’re feeling vulnerable and depressed after a breakup. You need to take some time to clear your head before dating again. Did you really enjoy spending time with him or were you just trying to get over your last love? Committingto a relationship with the wrong person is a waste of your time and energy and unfair to the other party. Find healthy ways to deal with your breakup and take your time finding the right guy. Your next relationship will make you much happier. I promise. Learn how to deal with your fear of being alone at http://TheFeminineWoman.com

You’re “settling” because you think you’re not good enough. Settling for a guy you’re not really digging because “it’s the best I can do” is setting yourself up for a vicious cycle. You start dating Mr. Wrong, you break up, you blame yourself for not being good enough for anyone to want to be in a committed relationship with you, you go out with another guy who makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong again. You need to break this cycle of low self-esteem. You are good enough. You deserve to be happy.  If someone doesn’t attract you, just say no.

You don’t know what you want in a partner. Before you start dating anyone else, you need to sit down and think about the traits you want and don’t want in your next partner. Say you can’t stand arrogant men. If you don’t realize that this personality trait bothers you, you can’t filter out Mr. Right from all of the Mr. Wrongs. Know yourself and your preferences. It will save you from yet another unfulfilling relationship.

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This is why he didn’t call you back for a second date

You went on your first date with this great guy. You feel like the two of you really hit it off well. It seemed promising that there would be another date. But a week goes by and you don’t hear anything from him. You try calling him but he doesn’t pick up or you end up playing phone tag. Why is this happening? Barring extreme circumstances such as the guy having a heart attack or that he’s a serial commitment-phobe, here are a few reasons why you may have scared him off.

You didn’t give him a chance to talk. Dating is not too different from any other social interactions that involve meeting new people. The protocol when you meet someone new is to try to find things in common to talk about and to ask questions to get to know the other person. However, if you simply talk without letting the other person participate in the conversation; you come off as not being interested in getting to know him.

Here are popular books about social interactions

There’s such a thing as too much information. You don’t need to share every single detail of your life. Your date doesn’t need to know why you broke up with your last boyfriend, your overbearing mother’s antics, or your sadistic boss’s latest act of evil. It’s good to have some filter on the negativity when you’re on a first date. Save that stuff for your weekly bitch session with your best friend.

You’re too critical. No one’s perfect. Your date may not be your idea of the perfect male, but don’t attack his beliefs, his aspirations in life, his love for country music, or how much ketchup he uses to eat his fries. It’s rude. If your date’s poor taste in music is a deal breaker for you, don’t go out on another date with him. Don’t belittle him. No one is forcing you to commit to a relationship with anyone.

You came on too strong. You’re excited about a new possibility at love. You’re so excited that maybe you start to invade his comfort zone. You sit a little bit too close to him. You try to kiss him. You make blatant sexual innuendos. It’s wonderful that you’re attracted to your date, but you should cool it on the first date until both of you feel comfortable. And it is more than likely that you’ll make him feel so uncomfortable that he won’t want a second date. Have you watched the movie He’s Just Not that Into You?

You interrogate him. Yes, you want to know everything about your date. But asking questions about how many kids he wants, why he broke up with his previous girlfriends, the level of commitment in his last relationship, where he sees himself in five years makes it sound like you’re cross examining your date. You can ask him these questions later on, perhaps at a slower pace, but it takes all the fun out of dating. Instead, try to enjoy your date and experience for yourself what kind of person he is.

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Why you should dump him immediately to avoid more pain

Dating is often involves a question of whether your partner is worth your time and energy. If you’re having trouble deciding if it’s worth keeping him around, here are a few red flags to make it easier for you to decide:

He doesn’t make you feel good. If your partner is constantly putting you down, making you feel stupid, or not emotionally supportive, it can really take a toll on your self-esteem and your overall sense of happiness. In short, dump him. You deserve better. Life is too short to commit someone who belittles you.

He’s insecure. As much as I feel sorry for people with low self-esteem, stay away from dating them. Insecure people usually swing from being extremely needy and clingy to projecting their own insecurities on you and making you feel bad about yourself. It’s one thing to have an insecure friend. It’s quite another to be in an intimate relationship with one. Trust me when I say run.

You’re too different in areas that matter. It’s great to love someone completely different from you. It would be boring to date a clone of yourself. However, in a committed relationship, it takes more than love to make it work; there needs to be compatibility in certain areas. Do you both want to get married? Do you want to have kids? Do you share the similar views on how to handle money? If there is too much disparity between what you want and what he wants in the future, it may be time to find someone more compatible with your lifestyle choices.

You don’t trust each other. A relationship without trust is very draining and not worth the headache. If you need to worry every time he goes out of town, when he’s working late, or when he’s out with the boys, it’s time to let him go. The same applies if he’s always doubting you and questioning every move you make. No one needs that extra headache. It’s time to move on.

You’re just not into him. He may have a heart of gold with good looks and a great career to boot. But if he just doesn’t get you hot and bothered or you don’t think he’s all that, you’re wasting your time as well as his, and you should break it off. Don’t get into a relationship or stay in one just because everyone else thinks he’s hot stuff. Date someone that you’re into, not the rest of society.

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